Reflection or Rumination?
Why did I just do that? Why didn’t I say this? Ever ask yourself one of those questions?
There is a great deal of power in self-reflection. Taking a lived experience from the external world and examining its lasting impressions within one’s own mind. What could go wrong in that? Well, a lot of things.
Our minds often take shortcuts. These shortcuts get cultivated through past experiences that, without intention, color the way we might view a particular situation. When we apply this to reflection it becomes apparent how challenging it can be to experience our present circumstances with clarity.
The very act of engaging in the outside world means that there are others involved. Yet we cannot always know how others perceive us, a situation, or even themselves. If you reflect on your own experience, I am sure you will recall any number of instances where a social interaction is experienced differently by all those involved.
Self-reflection is healthy when we seek out understanding, learning, and to deepen our connection to ourselves and others. The act of self-reflection requires us to recall mental data that may be colored by our unconscious tendencies. These misconceptions can corrupt our ability to engage in healthy reflection. Reflection without intention can degrade into rumination.
Rumination is when the otherwise healthy act of reflection becomes an internal mechanism for self defeat, alienation, and resistance. There is a sense of negative evaluation in rumination which can have detrimental impacts on an individual’s mental state.
So how can you ensure your reflections stay in the healthy zone? One way is to pay attention to your questions. A lot of questions begin with ‘why?’ but this can hold unintended negative connotations.
Let’s look at the questions I initially posed. “Why did I do that?” While there is curiosity in that question, there is also accusation, a call to defend your choice or action. Here is an alternative: “What about that situation induced my reaction?”
Why didn’t I (say, do) this? While it implies curiosity, there is also a sense of blame or condescension. An alternative might sound like: “What made me feel the need to hold back? How could I have done that more productively?”
When we remove the accusations we leave space for learning. When we no longer blame ourselves, we move towards a deeper sense of ease about who we are and how we show up in the world. When we extend ourselves grace to learn, it expands into every facet of our lives.
What will you change about your own reflective practice? How will you incorporate open questions?
